The Ceasefire

I was burnt out and yo-yo-ing for over 15 years. One minute I was 130 pounds…the next, 170. Restrictive diets followed by binge eating episodes, and for what? Years of beating up my body, numerous injuries, and burning myself out to the point that at 27 years old (I’m now 39 by the way), I would have daily energy crashes a few hours after I awoke.  As a personal trainer helping others with their health and fitness, wasn’t I supposed to have all the answers? Talk about imposter syndrome.

You may have heard it before, but I’ll say it again - you can’t hate yourself into a body you’ll love. Short-term you may get away with it, but long-term things will back fire like taking Miralax before a road trip. As a personal trainer for the last 15 years, I have seen it time and time again. A lot of these issues came down to mental health struggles with both myself and my clients…whether it be from attachment issues, relational problems, anxiety, depression, insecurities and/or a host of other struggles. Hoping to attain the body of your dreams must come from a place of love in order for it to be maintainable.

When you’re operating from a place of low self-worth, insecurity, shame and/or fear, the energy of your actions will be that of hate or lack in a sense. How does it feel to act from a place of hate and lack? Not great in my opinion. We have enough of that in our world and this energy never sustainably keeps us on track with the goals we aim for, so maybe we should try a different approach.

On the other hand, when we operate from care and/or self-worth, the energy of your actions will be that of acceptance and care. How does it feel when you exude love, joy and happiness? Taking action from these emotions is much more enjoyable and the deeper feelings of love will carry over into appreciation and respect for your body and health.

My motivation for exercise is no longer solely for the purpose of aesthetics, but for wanting to improve my movement quality and strength, increase bone density, build muscle mass, feel great and help in assisting my health overall.

Nutrition is no longer obsessive. I no longer restrict myself but have learned how to fuel my body for health and wellness. The more I focus on quality, whole foods in the right quantities, the better I feel. I no longer experience binge eating episodes because I am fulfilled on a regular basis. I rarely have extreme cravings. When I want a treat (since I love my baked goods), I can now eat one and be happy. In the past, it took many treats and I was still never satisfied.

I cut way back on my alcohol intake. I now drink socially. The social anxiety that I needed to numb through drinking no longer outweighed my desire to feel good enough the next day to function at my best and help my mental and emotional states. I want to get better quality sleep to recover from my busy days and tough workouts so that I can return to the gym stronger and better the next time.

This journey is such a complicated one and looks different for each person. It may take different work for you than it did for me. Personally, I believe that both listening to my body, learning to trust myself, and healing some of my codependent behaviors - such as people pleasing and lack of boundary setting, to name a few - led to having a healthier and more respected view of myself. This in turn caused me to treat my body with more respect and care through the actions I took.

Through these actions, I found peace in my mind and body. My nervous system learned to slow down and not be in constant hypervigilance and overdrive. I mentally and physically felt safer and was able to become more embodied. Being conscious in your body can set the stage for breaking out of habits and thoughts that no longer serve you, since the awareness of every action you take and thought you make can result in bringing you closer to feeling more grounded and whole. From there, you have a clearer head to make better decisions from and you have better energy to do the things you want to do. You can more easily be the person you dream of being.

In a world that markets heavily to our insecurities, sometimes just being you is the flex. Sure, we can strive to achieve our goals and be better, but that starts with accepting you and where you are at. It also starts with identity shifting and developing yourself into the person you want to be. This is known as the BE, DO, HAVE model. Most people think that they need to have the things or the feelings of the person they aspire to being, but it actually works the other way around.

In order to have the things or feelings of the person you want to be, you need to embody that type of person’s energy - what does the person you aspire to BE think like? Act like? Start there and be clear in those.

What does this type of person DO to achieve the goals you are looking for? Take action in those ways.

By BEing and DOing in the ways you wish to develop personally, you can reasonably and truly HAVE what you want because you already embody all of that which you seek.

Move, eat and recover to nourish your current and future self. Set your life up for your ideal self. All versions of you will thank you.