The Art of Getting Through The Sadness

Luckily I can usually stretch this version of myself through the holidays by swapping The Cranberries out for Wrapped in Red, and my lumberjack flannels for my Christmas Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing sweater and a steady rotation of holiday brooches. But then there’s Deep-Winter Me, the one who is irritated by the sound of people simply existing indoors, feels personally attacked by a delayed train, and is one sad song away from calling it a day at 4:48 p.m. Enter: Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is unfortunately abbreviated as SAD, which feels so unnecessary. It’s what happens every winter when the sun disappears. Your motivation follows it, and suddenly even small tasks like changing your bed sheets feel aspirational. The important thing to know is that SAD isn’t just a personality flaw, a weakness, or a failure of gratitude. It’s science. Real, peer-reviewed, lab-coat science. When daylight decreases, your circadian rhythm—the internal clock that tells your brain when to wake up, sleep, and feel joy—gets thrown off. Less sunlight means less serotonin (the “everything is fine” chemical) and more melatonin (the “cancel plans, lower expectations, and go horizontal” chemical). In short: your brain is doing winter exactly as designed, unfortunately without checking your schedule or emotional availability first. But before you resign yourself to accepting low-grade despair and feeling like a half-deflated balloon for three months, I’m going to lay out some helpful tools that are equal parts research and non-peer-reviewed entertainment masquerading as solutions.

Since all of us here believe in science (Right? Just checking), let’s talk Vitamin D. It’s one of the few things your body makes because of the sun. When sunlight hits your skin, it triggers a process that helps produce Vitamin D, which plays a role in everything from bone health to immune function to, crucially, mood regulation. The problem is that in winter, the sun clocks out early, shows up late, and spends most of its shift hiding behind clouds and tall buildings. Fewer daylight hours mean less sun exposure, which means many of us are walking around quietly deficient without realizing it. This explains why you mouthed “Unbelievable” when the Trader Joe’s line wrapped through frozen foods, despite knowing this is always the price of entry. Low Vitamin D levels have been linked to depression, fatigue, and the vague but persistent feeling that life is happening to you instead of with you. In short, Vitamin D is essentially bottled daylight, which we can all take every morning as a small nod to the version of ourselves who used to wake up happy for no reason. Is it a cure-all? No. Does it help? Yes. Is it humbling to realize your seasonal despair might partially be solved by a $12 bottle from CVS? Deeply.

Then there’s the Happy Lamp. I’m fully aware the Happy Lamp sounds stupid and fake. It sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow would sell you for $400 and imply your sadness is a mindset issue, and yet, against all odds, it actually works. Light therapy lamps are designed to mimic natural sunlight, specifically the bright early-day light that helps regulate your circadian rhythm. When your brain gets that signal first thing in the morning, it knows what time it is, what chemicals it should release, and most importantly that it does not need to spiral before noon. Used consistently, a Happy Lamp can help reduce melatonin production during the day while encouraging serotonin, helping to enhance mood, focus, and the fragile sense that maybe, just maybe, today isn’t a total wash. I sit in front of mine every morning like a houseplant that’s been rotated toward the window: upright, compliant, and hoping for the best. I won’t lie, sometimes it makes me feel like I’m in an episode of Black Mirror—but if winter insists on depriving us of real sunlight, I see no shame in tricking my brain with a well-lit lie.

Now, these biological approaches are very helpful, but on their own, they’re not always enough to undo the season’s subtle character assassination. Winter isn’t just a biological event; it’s a psychological endurance sport. Which is why we have to give ourselves things to look forward to, and aggressively. Planning a trip, a dinner, a concert, or even a really good soup-night can actually change your brain chemistry. Anticipation boosts dopamine and serotonin, meaning your brain starts feeling better before the thing even happens. This is where my corny-ass personality comes in. If you know me, you know I love finding reasons to celebrate. This past summer, a group of Gen Z gays told me that the way I earnestly and fully commit to every holiday gives off “major camp counselor vibes.” While it briefly made me want to hurt their feelings, they’re not wrong. Do I construct an annual advent-style calendar for October with daily tasks like “Whisper a secret to the wind,” and forward it to 200 friends to get everyone in the Halloween spirit? Yes, I do. Did I spend $100 on leg warmers, a body suit, and a dance belt to dress up as Jane Fonda for seven Pride-themed fitness classes that no one asked for? Duh. If you’re wondering why I’m like this, I have two answers. One: I’m a Midwesterner with a Pisces Sun and Leo Rising. Two: It works. If the world is going to be dark and cold, I’m going to be festive out of spite. Put that on my headstone. My candles are lit, my seasonal playlists are queued, and I will absolutely be making monkey bread for International Women’s Day “just because.” Joy does not need permission.

If all of that fails, you can always pull out the big guns: make out with someone. I won’t cite a study for this one, but kissing releases dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, all chemicals that tell your nervous system you are safe, desired, and alive. In a perfect world, this would be someone you burn bright for, someone you’d like to take to the Monet exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum and then rip all of their clothes off. If that person is still hiding from you, the good news is this doesn’t need to be someone you’re going to marry. Maybe you’re on the dance floor and you don’t even know their last name, or which diva they’d defend in an argument. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you exist in a body, and you’re not just exclusively living inside your thoughts. Winter is long. Touch helps. If a lip collaboration feels too far away or too vulnerable, I like to move furniture. Changing your physical environment gives your brain novelty, which is another serotonin cheat code. Suddenly, you’re not depressed, you’re interior designing. You’re not spiraling, you’re Marie Kondo refreshing energy and sparking joy. Is it possible that I’ve just pushed my sadness six feet to the left? Sure. But honestly, it looks a little better over there. 

The post Seasonal Affective Disorder: A Survival Guide  appeared first on Karjaka Magazine.

Notes on Surviving a Decade in NYC

Marking the passage of time is something humans have done for tens of thousands of years, from early societies tracking lunar cycles to plan their harvests, to Jonathan Larson reminding us we can actually measure our lives in love (I’m sorry). 

This month marks my 10-year anniversary of surviving New York City which, according to Fran Lebowitz, officially makes me a New Yorker. As someone who routinely gets to the airport early just to journal for 45 minutes about my “intentions for the trip,” my overly sensitive, long-winded ass has been wrestling with how best to honor this decennial milestone. Instead of over indulging in a metaphor about New York being the situationship that drains your bank account, but still gets the beautiful montage, I’ve decided to boil my decade here down to 10 things I’ve learned along the way. Whether you’re a seasoned New Yorker, brand new to the city, or just someone from high school who still follows me out of muscle memory, I hope these pieces of wisdom are helpful, or at the very least, entertaining enough to justify why you’re still here.

Don’t Wait — Say Hi First

The city is full of people desperate to connect, so how is it that in one of the biggest cities in the world you can still feel so lonely? Here’s the thing about New Yorkers: we look like we’re busy, aloof, or too cool for conversation, but the truth is most people are just waiting for someone else to make the first move. If you’re at a bar wondering why no one’s talking to you, chances are the person next to you is having the exact same thought. That cute guy you wish would come over? He’s probably refreshing his apps hoping that you show up on his phone instead of in real life. The hack is simple: be the one who breaks the ice. We’re a city full of broads that jaywalk through oncoming traffic, trust halal cart lamb at 2am, and routinely threaten our landlords with legal action. We’re more than brave enough to say “hey” right? 

For example: A few weeks ago at a brewery up in Hudson I saw a very cute mustached man with a backwards hat. He was sitting alone at the bar sipping a Pilsner and scrolling through Facebook Marketplace. I sat down, ordered a beer, and asked “Finding anything good today?” He smiled and said, “Too many things, that’s the problem.” We had a date on the books that next week. In a city that’s so fast paced, confidence isn’t just attractive, it’s social currency. So, go ahead and spend it baby!

Read the Fine Print

If something seems too good to be true in New York, it almost always is. In 2022, I dealt with a despicable realtor named Marjorie who swore up and down that an apartment she was showing me was rent stabilized. Once I was approved and actually read all the paperwork, I noticed the contract clearly stated,“This is NOT a rent-stabilized apartment.” When I asked her about it, she stiffened up and snapped, “Stop wasting my time. If you don’t want it, there’s a line of people down the block who do.” That’s the reality here: a lot of people (and businesses) are only looking out for themselves, and if you don’t protect your own interests, no one else will. So ask questions, read every word, and never assume anyone’s doing you a favor. If you don’t, you might end up like me, contractually doomed to haunt the aisles of Spirit Halloween in-perpetuity dressed as a cookie, a laughing emoji, and a mustard bottle.

If You’re Unsure About a Man, Watch Him Dock a Citi Bike

I’ve learned everything I need to know about a man from this one simple act. The way he docks that bike tells you everything. Sometimes it’s smooth and confident, sometimes it’s awkward, panicked, or just plain sad. Sometimes he nails it on the first try (Marry me) sometimes he needs your help (Oy vey) It can be sexy. It can be tragic. It can be both at once. But I promise: whatever happens at that docking station will tell you more about him than three dates and Myers–Briggs ever could.

Try to Stay Friendly With Your Exes (if you can)

Mostly, this is about making sure you don’t get kicked off their HBO Max, Hulu, or Apple TV+ accounts*. Think long-term: the new season of Euphoria isn’t dropping until 2026, and do you really want to be scrambling for a login by then? Secondarily, you will absolutely run into them Sex and the City style on the street, at brunch, or in line at Trader Joe’s. This is especially jarring when the last time you spoke was 9 months ago when you returned the framed photo of their Aunt Patty that somehow ended up on your nightstand. Of course, staying cordial isn’t always an option. If your ex did you dirty, the rule flips: cut off contact, kick them off your accounts, and ideally, buy their domain name.

*Note: Netflix is the exception. For reasons science has yet to explain, staying on an ex’s Netflix account historically feels a little too entangled. No research cited, and I can’t expand further.

Stay Political

There is nothing less sexy than a New Yorker (or anybody) who says, “I don’t know, I hate politics.” Caring about what happens to you, your city, and the people around you isn’t just cool, it’s necessary. Now, I’ll admit, it’s possible to care too much. (Did I mention I tend to overindulge?) At one point, my daily news habit got so out of hand that most of my hobbies (watercoloring, succulent beading, record collecting, taking baths 3x a week, holiday advent calendar making, haiku writing, and yes, a mild marijuana addiction) were all picked up to stop myself from starting the day with 3 hours of news. The point is: balance and curiosity are key. Our existence is political and willful ignorance is so 2010.

FLOSS

See More Live Music

The power of live music must never be underestimated. Anything can happen at a concert in NYC. Once, I was at a show where Sheryl Crow showed up as a surprise guest. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I fainted for the first time in my life. (Don’t worry I did bloodwork afterwards, and my PCP assured me I was perfectly healthy and simply, quote, “just gay.”) My best friend also literally conjured her husband at Brooklyn Bowl like a siren. When “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” came on she turned to the crowd and drunkenly shouted, “Who’s going to do the lift?” Out of the fog stepped a man who said, “I can.” Guys….she married him!!

Now if you’re on a budget like me, check out Sofar Sounds. It’s an amazing live music series that turns funky apartments, retail shops, and rooftops into badass venues and features three diverse surprise acts. This is great for a second date, or if you’re just wanting to meet some new interesting people. If you’re not convinced, or you just feel like shedding a tear at work, search Yebba’s “My Mind” on YouTube. Trust me.

Set Your Expectations

Setting your expectations is the easiest way to keep disappointment (and depression) at bay. Count on luck, but budget for chaos. Hope for sun, but bring an umbrella. For me, reframing expectations has been a game changer. Now, I get to be pleasantly surprised when things go well instead of gutted when they don’t! Take Beacon’s Closet, for example. When you haul over two full bags of clothes to try and make a buck, you should fully expect the staff to unpack every item in front of a silent, watchful crowd and then announce, loudly, “We cannot accept any of these pieces at this time, but we can donate them for you.” Now if I had gone in expecting them to swoon over my lightly worn J.Crew sweater and that “nice” light blue polo from high school, that kind of public humiliation might have sent me packing back to suburban Michigan. But because I was prepared, it only confirmed what I already suspected: my true legacy isn’t taste, elegance, or designer chains, it’s thrift store finds with coffee stains.

Ask for a Raise Every Year

This is a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. You’re almost always going to have to advocate for yourself when it comes to getting a raise. It’s standard to have a performance review every year, and if they “forget”, request one! Assuming you’re slaying the game, come prepared with a pitch: highlight the value you’ve brought, the receipts to prove it, and then ask for the raise. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But think of it as a win-win. If they say yes? Congrats!! You can finally afford that Fire Island weekend or stop forgoing an uber to JFK because the subway is just “part of the adventure”. If they say no? You’ve made it clear you’re serious about your career. Thank them, ask what benchmarks you should hit in the next quarter, and schedule the follow-up. Bada-Boom, Bada-Bing!

You Can Start Completely Over

If you wake up one day and realize you hate your job, you can change it. If your college friend group still treats you like the kid who wore button ups with sweat pants, or who unfortunately thought bedsheets only needed to be washed quarterly, refer back to Rule #1 and surround yourself with people who actually make you feel good. Your career and your social life don’t have to be linear, as clean and comfortable as that sounds. Life is messy. You’re supposed to outgrow things, pivot, change lanes, burn bridges, rebuild them, and then set them on fire again (but prettier this time). If you’re doing it right your thirties self should be unrecognizable to your twenties self, in a way that would shock them, impress them, and maybe even terrify them. 

The truth is, you’re never locked into the first hand you were dealt. You can reshuffle, trade cards, or flip the whole damn table over and start again. Because in this city, no one cares who you were last year, they’re too busy reinventing themselves, too.

The post Ten-Year Tenure: The Unwritten Rules appeared first on Karjaka Magazine.

Grit, Delusion, and 1099’s. Because in New York, stability is just another accessory.

It takes a special blend of grit, charm, and just the right amount of delusion to make it as a freelancer in New York City. Carrie Bradshaw nailed it when she said, “Welcome to New York — It’s really just a bunch of people trying to not get kicked out of their apartments.” Staying afloat here is a success. Being a success? That’s practically a miracle, and a testament to the fact that you never stopped showing up.

I’ve been freelancing, gig working, and hustling in New York for nearly a decade, and it’s taken me a while to get comfortable with the chaos of a non-linear life. Luckily it started getting easier once I stopped clinging to a single professional identity and started trying things that genuinely interested me. For many creatives (especially those who invested years and thousands of dollars into a degree) shifting energy away from “The Dream” can feel like failure. But here’s the truth: that feeling may be real, but the failure? That’s fiction.

In my early 20s, I was tunnel-visioned and, frankly, missing out on opportunities that I actually wanted. I’d obsess over curating the perfect answer to that dreaded dinner party question: “So, what do you do?” Do I tell them what I studied, even though I haven’t booked a job in that field in six months? Do I just say what I want to do but haven’t broken into yet? Do I just mutter “struggling artist” and change the subject? This question launches me into such mental acrobatics, I half expect Simone Biles to slow clap from the sidelines. One game-changing shift for me was rephrasing the question entirely. Instead of asking (or answering) “What do you do?” I started using “What are you working on?” It opens up the conversation, dials down the pressure, and invites people to talk about their passions, not just their paychecks.

So, what am I working on? I’m an actor. A storyteller. A commercial and print model. A full-time fitness coach at three different companies with my own private clients. A freelance painter. A host and sales rep for a national watch convention. And now, a writer for Karjaka Magazine. When I filed my taxes this year, my accountant looked at me and said, “You’re my nightmare client.” My advice to any creative staring down the unstable terrain of a freelance life: Be your accountant’s worst nightmare. Say yes. Do the weird gig. Keep the dream alive, sure, but let other things in, too. Finesse a life where five different irons are in the fire and you’re okay with them heating up at their own pace. As a wise woman once said, “If you’re not scared, you’re not taking a chance. And if you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing?” And yes, in case you’re wondering, I did start and end this article with quotes from Sex and the City. Happy hustling!

The post The Art of the Freelance Dance. appeared first on Karjaka Magazine.